Yet man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward.

The title of this blog came from the book of Job. Job is by far the best example of a character from the Bible who have been through hell on earth. But despite of what he's been through, he was able to praise God for everything that had happened to him. I WANT TO BE LIKE JOB.

Last Friday, around 5pm a text came in. It was my mother telling me the result of my 66 year old father's CT scan. And she said "Cancer gid kuno, stage 4, 6-7 mos na lang sya". I don't know how to feel at that time until I decided to just cry it out. My husband who was beside me, hugged and told me that that's how life is. I believed him. After all, he lost his father who was very close to him almost 3 years ago too.

Although I was very tired, I got up and started to cook for our banchetta in the office. My son Matt was still sleeping so I grabbed the opportunity to prepare the pasta I'm selling in the office. Too tired, I slept again until it's time to prepare for work.

On our way to work, another event happened. Since there was a power outage when we left home and it's continuously raining; the roads were darker than usual. Just a few meters away from the office, a motorcycle hit the back of our car, breaking our tail light and damaging the back door. My husband does not want to be late so instead of stopping and confronting the man who hit our car, he decided to go and login first then come back. When he came back, the man riding the motorcycle was no longer there. Should I now call this a series of unfortunate events? Not yet. It came in three. Before we ended the shift, our nanny sent me a text message saying my son Matt was sick with fever and flu. Now that's truly is a series of unfortunate events.

Again, I want to be like Job. I want to experience his victory. I claim it now. I'm willing to expand my territory. I'm willing to just listen and entrust everything to him. I'm willing to give up my trust in myself like I always do. I'm willing to just praise God all the time.

On bended knees...

Two weeks ago I learned that my 66 year old father is sick. He was not able to move his bowel for 6 days and the pain in his stomach was unbearable, he can hardly sleep. I suggested that he consult a doctor so that we'll have a clear picture of what's going on in his body. When the test results came out, we learned that he has a 5 cm hepatorenal mass neoplasm, a mass between his liver and kidney. He was advised to have a CT scan and biopsy to determine if the neoplasm (tumor) is benign or malignant. We are working on his CT scan and biopsy now. We are hoping and praying that it's not cancer.

The stress of having a sick loved one is incomparable. I can't stand seeing my father in pain. I’ve been so moody lately. I suddenly would cry and dwell on self-pity. I’d recall his goodness to us when we were still young. No, he’s not a perfect father but he’s somebody who would try his best to give us what we want, including freedom; freedom to choose what life we would like to live. My spirit is down. I’m just not my old self now and I honestly do not like it.

Sometimes, actually all the time, the battle can be fought on bended knees. If it seems like a dark world, I honestly saw the light again when all of these problems emerged. I started to pray with tears on bended knees again. I would sob and pour everything out to him because I know that only my savior, the same God I prayed to for salvation when I was 7 years old, is the same HIM who can make me feel better.

Please help me pray for my father.

Love Actually...

February is the season of Love. It's the most romantic month of the year! But who says LOVE=February=Valentine=chocolates=flowers=bears? Love for me should be everywhere, in the hearts of everybody, shared and exhibited everyday.

just a little goodbye my baby

To go or not to go...I heard a word from our Account Manager that the training for the new account will be in Manila. Oh no! I can't be away from Matt for a very long time. I will terribly miss my baby. Argh, the heart of a mother!

Just wanna share this conversation with my hubby last Tuesday morning. I told him that if I will go to Manila for training, I will bring Matt with me. He quickly said "no", and of course I said "I'm his mother!" with drama tone on the side. Then he replied saying "I'm his father, what difference does it make?". With more intensive drama tone, I said "I carried him for 9 mos, was on labor for 12 hrs and breastfed him!". His answer was simple - "You can't do all that without me!". Oh yeah, I forgot that part! :)

I will miss you Matt. I may also miss a few tricks you'll learn from your lola and yayay but I will surely be back soon and spend some quality time with you again!

Pray and pray until you succeed!

Have you encountered a major trial in your life lately? I did, but I don't consider it as MAJOR really. I ended the year with joy for the blessings I received in 2009. Matt turned 1, Miggy my husband was promoted, we celebrated our 1st Wedding Anniversary, we traveled to Manila for my 28th birthday, we went back to Manila for Jeremy, my brother in law's wedding and celebrated Christmas there and of course, I'm most thankful for the good health of the whole family including Miggy's and mine.

But year 2010 started with confusions and disappointment. I heard rumors that the account I'm working for will close and of course, many will be affected including Miggy who hasn't reach his confirmation yet. Yesterday, I was asking myself what I've done the first thing I learned about the news. And the answer is - I complained! Yes, I complained to myself, I complained to other people who can't even give solutions to the problem itself, I felt sad, I thought of moving to another place, I got irritated! Then I started praying 2 days ago. I woke up early, talked to my Father and said "Lord, you make things happen and you honor our prayers. You even granted Abraham's appeal not to destroy the Sodom if there are 50, 45, 30, 20 or even just 10 who will repent. Please grant my prayer."

I think he just answered my prayers! Praise God!

a dAughTer's lOve for a father

Today marks the 65th birthday of my father. Out of 4 siblings, he's the only one left alive. All of his siblings are already dead. This is truly a gift for him. His eldest sister died of cancer in 2003, then followed by the 2nd to the eldest who died in 2004. In 2005, his brother who was the third child in his family was found dead in our own bathroom. He suffered a heart attack. He was found lying on the bathroom floor by my youngest sister who was asked by my mother to check on him. It wasn't usual for him to use the bathroom for more than 30 minutes. That was a sad story.

Year 2006 came. As you can see, all his siblings died consecutively, that is every year. I'm afraid he will follow the same path too so I decided to go back to Bacolod from Manila and look for a job in my own province. It was so timely because Teleperformance Bacolod opened in 2006 so I was hired the same year. In 2006, my prayer is for God to give my father a chance to live longer as he still has so many things to do for us. We are not expecting him to take care of us the way he took care of us when we were still younger but I believe that he still have so many things to see. For one, he doesn't have a grandchild yet and I'm hoping that before he dies, he will see at least one grandchild. Now my prayer is for him to see more grandkids.

Papang is one of the kindest person I've ever met. He's quiet, observant and very generous. He would give the last rice we have stored in our house to anyone who needs it. He would go to a point of sharing his remaining P100 bill with a friend who is in need. He seldom scolds us, but when he does, he does it in a calm manner. He's very humble too. He doesn't like to show off. He can drive a car and rode a jeepney with no problem at all. We learned to be generous because of him. And he would often say that life is a wheel; never step down on anybody. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 years old, my friends would tease me about having a retard brother. I said I don't have any. Later on I realized that there's this retard boy about 15 or 16 years old who is calling my father "papang". He doesn't live in our neighborhood, he would just come to our place everday and visit my father. My father will give him food or whatever it is that he could give, and in return, this retard whom we called "Buboy-buboy" would give a free massage or nail cleaning. And mind you, he's very skilled in cleaning nails.

In this life of ours, we will only have one father and mother and soon they'll be gone. What have we done to show our love for them? That's the same question I have for myself now...

Allow me to talk about Matt again...

My son Matt is exactly 1 year and 3 month old today, January 20 and it has never been joyful and fulfilling as a mother having him as a son. During the first trimester of my pregnancy, I remember it was so hard for me as I was working then. And being pregnant and working in a call center industry is not a joke. I report at night when most pregnant ladies are already asleep. I have to deal with different personalities while I was training while I have my own hormonal changes to deal with. Then every after eating, I puke. My fatigue did not come from my work or the nature of my job but from my puking. Just when I thought things are getting better as I enter the 2nd and 3rd trimester, then came LABOR. Labor is a process every pregnant woman giving birth has to go through except if you opted for a C-section which I did not since I am confident that like my mother who gave birth to many babies with no issues at all, I will be able to give birth just like that. I exercised, ate healthy, did some lamaze exercises, took note of the proper breathing and most of all, I have wide hips which I realized later on did not help at all. So anyway, after 12 hrs of PAINFUL labor, my OB decided that I should be operated. I am not surprised, just a little disappointed. I am not surprised because I myself was already asking for a C-SEction. The pain was unbearable. Imagine your hips being ripped apart without anaesthesia? My baby wants to go out, in fact, he was already distressed. His heartbeat is fluctuating and the doctor has to keep him awake just so he won't lose his heartbeat. I was crying while mama, my mother in law and my partner in this wonderful experience was beside me praying and praying that I'll be fine.

The operation started at around 5am. I wasn't able to feel the pain during the operations but I can sense what's going on. I can hear them talk about how loud my voice was when I was shouting in the Labor room. I remember one nurse who said " Miss, don't shout. Other women are on labor and you are scaring them." I said, "well then transfer me to a room where I could be alone and I could shout at the top of my lungs". Funny, isn't it. But hey, I think my request was valid. That's how painful labor is. The bible is true in saying that childbirth is indeed painful. I once asked God why it should be painful; why can't it be easy? Oh Eve...if only you did not eat the forbidden fruit.

Fast forward everything. Here I am with my little boy. Matt has always been a kind, intelligent and alert kid. He likes to imitate sounds. Animal sounds (lizards, chicken, monkey, dogs, george (Auntie Ann's dog), cat and goat), his papa's sneeze, sound of a door creaking, and all other sounds. He's very sensitive. He cries when you are shouting at him. He knows what silent treatment means. He doesn't like silent treatment. He can tell that silent treatment is not normal. He doesn't like toys too much. He prefers walking in the grass, looking at the skies, appreciating everything around him. He's very sweet. He likes poking our two dogs in their eyes. He's very simple. He doesn't like junk food; he prefers vegetables and as early as now I could tell that his food preference is like mine. Or maybe I'm just hoping...:)

Thank you Lord for giving us such a sensible little boy. Miggy and I are so blessed to have him in our lives. He's our joy and the reason for our hardwork. Thank you Lord for the labor and hardships I went through. That made Matt more special to me and to the whole family. He's the fruit of our labor; the evidence of your mercy. As his name implies - Matthew (God's gift) Miguel (Who is like God). Thank you Lord for the GIFT.

Happy 15th month my firstborn! We love you!