Dr. Mallen, his soft spoken doctor explained to me almost everything I need to know about his condition including the things we need to expect in the future. One of the things he explained has something to do with nutrition. He said, nutrition is no longer the primary concern as the nutrients that go inside the body of a cancer patient are just being consumed by the cancer cells. But if he still can, he should eat to cover his stomach and avoid other complications such as ulcer. Dr. Mallen is a practical and straightforward doctor but he's not the kind you will get offense. He feels that we should we know what to expect in cases like my father's. He said that the time will come when my father will have a hard time breathing and our natural reaction would be to panic and bring him to the hospital. If we bring him to the hospital, the doctors will do everything they can to make him live. They will resuscitate prolonging his days and his suffering; eventually he still will succumb to his sickness.
In my previous posts, I mentioned that my father's disease is now on stage 4. He was diagnosed last October. He was given 5-6 months to live which he is not privy about. He's been asking if he was given a "taning" but we decided not to tell him to avoid counting the days. We want him not to worry and let him live with hope and peace.
But what's the hope for and what kind of hope is it, I ask myself? Should he hope of living longer and healthier? Should he hope to see his future grandchildren? I believe not. What I believe is that he should hope for eternity; life beyond death. He should hope to see his loved ones who passed away before him; he should hope to see his Savior and God! Oh what a day it would be! That is what I believe but not my father's at this point. He is in a state where he hopes to see more days on earth. We want that too, I mean who doesn't? We want to spend more days with him, we want to see him more. But not in his present condition. Skin and bones, bedridden and morphine dependent. Eventually, he needs to be fed by others and assisted by others to manage his own bowel and urine. It is no longer him and he is no longer living, he's merely breathing. That is far from who he is. He is the jolly, active friend and a loving husband and father living life to the fullest. He doesn't say "I love you" or "I miss you" but you can just be assured that he loves you. He's the kindest person I know. And because we love him so much, it's very painful to see him suffering in pain.
But what's the hope for and what kind of hope is it, I ask myself? Should he hope of living longer and healthier? Should he hope to see his future grandchildren? I believe not. What I believe is that he should hope for eternity; life beyond death. He should hope to see his loved ones who passed away before him; he should hope to see his Savior and God! Oh what a day it would be! That is what I believe but not my father's at this point. He is in a state where he hopes to see more days on earth. We want that too, I mean who doesn't? We want to spend more days with him, we want to see him more. But not in his present condition. Skin and bones, bedridden and morphine dependent. Eventually, he needs to be fed by others and assisted by others to manage his own bowel and urine. It is no longer him and he is no longer living, he's merely breathing. That is far from who he is. He is the jolly, active friend and a loving husband and father living life to the fullest. He doesn't say "I love you" or "I miss you" but you can just be assured that he loves you. He's the kindest person I know. And because we love him so much, it's very painful to see him suffering in pain.
This christmas, I only have one wish - that is for my father to accept his situation as it is the consequence of his wrong decisions. With acceptance, there's peace. And when there is peace, there's joy. A joyful passing is going to be our strength, our hope and our consolation.
