Looking for some words of advice, I came across a marriage blog called Assume Love (How to have a happier marriage without waiting for your spouse to change) by Patty Newbold. She's married twice; the first time she didn't get it right. She keeps a list of unmet needs and had asked her husband for divorce the day before her husband died from a chronic disease. When her husband died, out of about 30 needs, only one was made easier to meet by losing him. In other words, she realized, those unmet needs will remain unmet had they divorced.
Although unlike Patty I'm not considering separation, I found her insights very helpful. If you have time, try to check her blog- http://www.assumelove.com/. Her advice would focus mainly on assuming love, as the title suggests. That regardless of what our spouses would do or say, always assume love but never pretend. Making assumptions may not be good but it may be helpful when situations like disagreements may happen between the couple. Assume that underneath it all, your spouse loves you.
