What's up with me?

It's been a long time since my last post. I've been so busy for the last two months with back to back training due to the release of Adobe CS6 plus my helper for 1 year decided to stop working for me 2 weeks ago so she can be with her two children and take care of them personally.  I've no objections to her plan because it's just right that a mother takes care of her children.  And so I'm left with piles of laundry, dirty dishes, house to clean, a 3 year old boy to take care; all that with a full time night job!  My husband is helping too but boys will be boys.  They keep things simple.  Dirty laundry?  Just put them all in the washing machine, rinse and dry.  Me likes to keep it the way I was taught to do laundry when I was young.  Dirty laundry should be hand washed inside and out, hems should be brushed and they should be rinsed twice. So okay, our routine now is this.  Straight from the office, and that is 7:30am, we buy food and go home straight.  As soon as we reach home, I do the laundry while Matt, my 3 year old son plays with the water.  Hitting two birds with one stone.  After I do the laundry, I'll fix the room, sweep and mop the floor and wash the dirty dishes.  Then I wash and prepare Matt's baby bottles.  Around 12nn, I'll fold the fresh laundry, put them in our respective cabinets then and only then will I be able to rest.  If I'm lucky, I could browse the net for a few minutes then sleep while Matt plays again and watch cartoons.  He would wake me up from time to time if he needs to poop or drink milk.  Around 3pm or 4, I'll turn the TV off and force him to sleep.  Sometimes force is no longer needed.  He'll sleep then wake up the same time we usually do to prepare for work. Matt will be left with Amy, his cousin Andre's nanny who lives just beside our house who we borrow to accompany our son while we work.  Another day, same routine.

This Wednesday however, our routine will change.  Matt is going to nursery school! I'm so excited for him! His school starts at 9am and ends at 11am.  I know this is going to be good for him because he will have social interaction with other kids.  His mind will be stimulated; it's a different environment and he will learn to behave with adults and kids around him.  He's also excited to go to school.  When asked what he'll do in school, he said he will play basketball and say good morning teacher! :)

I'm still hoping we'd find a reliable and trustworthy helper.  I know God will give us one in his time.  It's going to be hard to go through daily chores with Matt in school.  I'm just thankful that Nika, my sister in law allows me to borrow her nanny to accompany Matt every night.

Today, I'm not feeling well.  My body is sore and aching and I have a dry cough. I'm almost feverish. This weekend I took care of Matt who's down with flu and he's taking antibiotics now; we have no water I have to wake up at 2am to get a few pails of water to wash his baby bottles.  But surprisingly, despite the physical and mental fatigue, I'm just happy.  Happy to see Matt growing to be a sweet and sensible boy.

Social Network

Communication was made easy by social networking sites, don't you agree?  Previously, if you want to communicate with your relatives or friends who live abroad, you must be ready to pay a big amount of money for telephone bills.  If that is not an option, then snail mail will do but it will take days or weeks to reach the recipient.  Easy communication is not the only benefit of social networking sites.  It connects us, it keeps us updated, it informs us, it entertains us, it's an outlet, it's a freedom wall, it's a world of its own.

Even though the benefits are so many, these sites have the ability to ruin us too.  Ever felt envious sometimes while looking at your friend's picture of a new bike, new clothes, new gadgets?  Ever felt sad while reading your friend's post about a recent success, a success you've been wanting for yourself?  Ever felt jealous while looking at your crush's picture sweetly cuddling with someone else?  Of have you ever felt like a certain friend is living in a perfect world?  No problems, no worries, just perfect?  I did.  And it makes me sad.  It no longer entertains me.  It ruins my day.  It makes me want to be like them which is not right.  I feel that, and maybe you too, because reality is, some people use those networking sites to hide the reality.  Because reality is too bad to be known.  Some people use it to pretend.  To shine.  To be praised.  Sadly, it affects us too, readers.  Truth is, we can only control our own account but not the others.  So what then we  should do?  If those sites start to ruin your day instead of entertaining you and making you feel happy, stop and rest and shun away from those sites not permanently and go back to reality.  Reality is that we are all unique with different circumstances and different paths.  We need to focus on our own lives.  

Holy Weekend...

Although my plan for my family to go to a resort after church to swim last Sunday didn't push through, I'm happy with how our weekend turned out.  Saturday I spent quality time with my bestfriend Jaja.  We watched Moron 5, a local comedy that features 5 morons. :)  Then in the evening, my husband's family and I went to Chikaan for dinner, it was to spend time with his younger sister Anna who works and stays in Manila.  Then Sunday, I woke up at 4:30am to attend the Sunrise service of Ikthus.  After the service, I went straight to Capitol Lagoon (Park) to jog.  After 5 rounds, I went home running/walking from Lagoon that I was so tired when I reached home.  I cooked breakfast after a few minutes of rest - rice, dried fish and eggplant.  After playing with Matt, I took a short nap and we had lunch in Auntie Sue's house with family again.  The food was delicious - baked turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce, baked ham, mashed potatoes, green salad with her signature dressing, corn and of course cake for dessert.  After lunch, we headed to a mall to buy hubby's running shoes and Matt's toy as a gift from Auntie Ann.  Then we accompanied Anna in buying pasalubong for her friends and co-workers in Manila.  I was so tired that I slept around 6pm and got up 5am in the morning to jog again.  That was my holy week-end. :)

Looking back at all the activities, I realized how blessed I am to have the opportunity to enjoy life as God intend it to be.  He doesn't want us to be miserable all the time and be guilty for all of the things we've done.  He's forgiven us and it happened a long time ago.  We just have to accept it, be grateful for his grace and mercy and live with faith and good works as our way of showing God's love.  We have nothing to do to earn our salvation.  Our sacrifices won't be enough.  Only God can redeem us.  

A son's love for his mother...

My son Matt is 3 years and 5 months old now and I just find him so adorable and cute that I can't get enough of him everyday. He is at his sweetest and most sensitive stage and it's just so joyful to see him adoring me his mother. He is close to his father too but the relationship of a son to a mother is really special and I want to take this opportunity to just talk about the moment because I know, things may change specially when he starts having friends/buddies or when he start riding the bike or play basketball with his papa (which I really like).

The moment we arrive home from the office, I could already hear Matt's giggle and he would close our bedroom door and cover his face with a pillow. Then we'll pretend to look for him and he would hide and giggle some more. Then he'll reveal himself; say "morning mama!, morning papa!", kiss and hug both of us and he would just run and jump around. His papa will then play with him as I prepare the food. He'll come out of our room with drawings on his face or tattoo on his hand and he will show it to me. He also likes to see himself in the mirror. When his papa would playfully ask him to punch me, he wouldn't. But if I ask him to punch his papa, he would! ;) It's just overwhelming to see a small creature with a very pure heart. He's not perfect. He has his moments. Early this morning, we were eating my homemade milk candy (yema) and he liked it so much that he won't stop eating. I told him I'll give him some more if he removes his hand from the electric fan and he didn't obey me. He just kept quiet while looking at me but he never removed his hand. I realized this little guy now has an attitude.  And he doesn't know yet whether it's bad or wrong.  It's my responsibility to let him understand.  And so when I asked him slowly to remove his hand because if he doesn't, he'll be electrocuted, he obeyed. But man, it took a lot of patience and time before he did.  He has his own personality. And how he become will surely depend on us, his parents.

Ecclesiastes

I just finished reading the book of Ecclesiastes and to be honest, this is the first time I finished a book in the bible and really understand it. Not that I understand it like a bible scholar, but God's wisdom helped me get the perspective of the author. The author is like someone I know whom I love dearly. He has the same understanding, perspective and outlook in life as the author of the book has. He believes everything is meaningless including wisdom! A chasing after the wind! The author is full of wisdom, riches, honor and fame yet all of these things are meaningless to him. He said whoever loves money never has money enough. True. He has good insights but he also believe that one should not be overrighteous nor overwicked. Is he saying it's okay to be wicked at times? As what he said, it is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other (Ecc. 7:16-18). He also said that the young should follow the ways of their heart and whatever their eyes see. Knowing what the young generations are seeing now? With all the media and social networking sites? He was trying to figure out life and that was one of his suggestions. He wants to know what's in it and what happens next as he sees everything as meaningless. He's suggesting that man should enjoy and banish the anxiety from the heart and cast off the troubles of our body. In other words, we must enjoy life and not worry about anything, but he didn't mention about faith.

In all of these, towards the end of the book, he made a very nice conclusion. Ecclesiastes 12:13 says "Now all has been heard;here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." A conclusion deserving of applause. This is a man who think everything is meaningless but this is the same man who succumbs to the truth. Fear God. We are here on earth to fear God and keep his commandments.

A very special day...

When my then boyfriend and I decided to get married in 2008, we knew it's going to be on the 27th of March. Why? Because it's the day my mother and his mother were born. They were born on the same day, same year! And although it was almost impossible because of the many requirements needed by the judge, we made it happen.

Today marks our 4th wedding anniversary and our mother's 59th birthday! A very special day to celebrate!

Happy birthday our mothers! We love you both!

Happy 4th wedding anniversary to us, langga!

Assume Love

Lately there has been so many issues between my husband and I and we just couldn't agree on one thing. Just like any other couple, we disagree, debate and insist but after the death of my father, they just occur more often. Maybe because I'm more vulnerable now. I didn't have the chance to really mourn for my father because I went back to work the Monday after he was buried. During the wake, I was busy processing for everything. Now that everything is setting in, I feel that I need more support now more than ever.

Looking for some words of advice, I came across a marriage blog called Assume Love (How to have a happier marriage without waiting for your spouse to change) by Patty Newbold. She's married twice; the first time she didn't get it right. She keeps a list of unmet needs and had asked her husband for divorce the day before her husband died from a chronic disease. When her husband died, out of about 30 needs, only one was made easier to meet by losing him. In other words, she realized, those unmet needs will remain unmet had they divorced.

Although unlike Patty I'm not considering separation, I found her insights very helpful. If you have time, try to check her blog- http://www.assumelove.com/. Her advice would focus mainly on assuming love, as the title suggests. That regardless of what our spouses would do or say, always assume love but never pretend. Making assumptions may not be good but it may be helpful when situations like disagreements may happen between the couple. Assume that underneath it all, your spouse loves you.

Hubby's speech

Last Friday, Jan. 27th, my husband Miggy was invited to speak in his Alma Mater, Christian Academy of Bacolod as a guest speaker of their 26th Foundation Day and 2nd Alumni Homecoming. It went well, we just didn't expect that majority of his audience would be elementary and high school students. This is his first time to speak but I admire him because he never felt or at least didn't make the jitters obvious.

Here's his speech in case I start erasing my emails and will not have a copy of this in the future. :)

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Dear guests, former teachers, friends and fellow alumni of Christian Academy of Bacolod, good morning!

When Principal Elias invited me to speak as a guest speaker of this event, I was a little hesitant. Yes, it is no doubt an honor to be chosen; but I also know that it is going to be a nerve-wracking experience. Nineteen years ago, I was just a cute little boy excited to experience high school, now I’m married to my one and only wife with one smart little boy who obviously got his looks, from the one whom I got my looks from, my father. J

In the years since we left the corridors of CAB, a lot of changes have taken place. Some have decided to join the business world to keep our economy rolling, while others are happy doing ministry for the Lord, one of the highest calling. Others are into the medical world helping save lives, while others enjoy being in the customer service industry making every consumer happy. Different paths for different folks but one thing remain the same - the values our dear alma mater had taught us.

This year’s theme is faithfulness. One of my favorite lines in Steve Green’s song Find us faithful, goes “Let us run the race not only for the prize. But as those who’ve gone before us, Let us leave to those behind us, the heritage of faithfulness passed on through Godly lives. What a beautiful message. I could sit down now and leave you all with those lines to ponder. But let me continue.

I believe all of us here have goals. In whatever state we are now, I know we have something in mind that we want to achieve. It could be a business of our own, a dream job, a dream house, a grand vacation, or an ideal husband/wife. I know that we are doing something about it, and although some of us here may have already achieved some of them, we continue to aim higher. Has it always been smooth sailing? I doubt it is. In this imperfect world there will always be discouragements, criticisms, trials and persecutions even. And sometimes we feel that there’s no sense in pursuing our dreams because things don’t work out the way we want them or that they don’t happen on our appointed time. Sometimes we want things instantly. We want them to go smoothly, which is in reality not always a possibility.

Now the good news is that despite the rough sailing, the bumpy rides and turbulent flights, our dear teachers from this school had taught us the value of faithfulness. It is in this school that wonderful stories in the Bible were given emphasis. The story of Joshua who entered the Promised Land because of his faith, and Gideon who won the battle with the Midianites with just 300 men and his big faith and trust in God. Our teachers had taught us to believe in things we cannot see. To not settle in mediocrity. To aim higher and have faith in what we do and most specially in what God can do for us. They remain faithful in their students, the same way God shows his faithfulness to this school for 26 years.

At 31 I’m finishing my master’s degree in business. I am going to pursue my plan of becoming a university professor and a faithful husband and father. And although I enjoy what I’m doing now, my heart still goes for teaching. I will remain faithful to my dreams. I won’t stop because as Dr. Charles Stanley states, “the only way to know how much faith you have is when it is tested and tried. So kids, go ahead and try your faith. Aim high and reach for your dream.

Good morning and May God bless us all. Thank you.

How my 2012 will look like...

My family started the year in the hospital. My father was hospitalized on Jan. 1st, was released on Jan. 3rd and died on the 6th. We buried him on Jan. 14th and I came back to work the week after. Now that almost everything is back to normal, except for some episodes of sadness and loneliness, I want to put in writing the things I expect to happen this year. And then at the end of the year, I want to be able to look back and see if they did happen or something else better happened. :)

This year I expect great things to happen. Yes, some things are beyond my control but most of them are controllable. God has given us instructions in writing, I'm sure that if I just read and understand it, I'll get the heavenly wisdom I need to make the right decisions.

First on my list is to have baby #2. My husband and I have agreed that as soon as he graduates from his Master's degree this

March, we'll have another baby. Our eldest son Matt is already 3 years old and by June, he will start pre-school. By the time I give birth, Matt would be 4, enough to take care of his younger brother/sister. :) I'm praying for a baby sister while my husband prays for another baby boy. May the best prayer win!hehe. Just kidding.

Second on my list is to start a small business or any income generating activity. I'm currently a dealer of human nature organic products (http://humanheartnature.com/) but it's not really income generating because I am not selling aggressively. The discount I'm enjoying though, as a dealer, is something that I'm thankful about because I'm an avid user of HN products. But aside from being an HN dealer, I want to put up a small business. Maybe a business I could start from home or if I could find a stall where I could sell stuff preferably food, that would be better. Or I'm thinking of working online during my free time. Some Odesk type of online job. I'm also trying to consider buying raw products then process them at home then sell them online. I don't know, as of now, there's just a lot of ideas coming that I have to pray harder and think deeper to make up my mind and pursue what I really desire to do.

Then I'd like to accomplish some not so major things like wall painting of my son's room in preparation for baby #2, having the car tinted again since the heat and light are now getting in which makes it more hot inside, if the budget allows, we'll have to repaint the car as scratches are now more visible, de-clutter our closet and get rid of the things we don't need and donate them and make more space for more people in the house, visit my mother and siblings often, have more couple dates at new restaurants (started with 2 new restaurants and my husband and I enjoyed it), lose 15 lbs by eating healthy and exercising more often, read more books and PRAY more!

Wow, I'm really positive about my plans for 2012 but I know that God has plans laid out for me too. Prayer is the key really.

A sweet homecoming

After three months of struggle with lung cancer, my father finally joined his creator last Jan. 6th, 2012 at around 9:50pm at age 66. I call it a sweet homecoming. It is a sweet homecoming because he will be finally seeing his creator and savior. He will forever be in a place where there is no pain and sorrows only joys and laughters. He will be in Paradise.

Prior to papang's death, my cousin Pastor Noel paid him a visit and asked him about death and his relationship with Jesus. Then they prayed a prayer of repentance. He was receptive. He prayed along and asked for forgiveness and accepted Jesus as his personal savior. It was the best gift ever given to me and for him most specially.

His condition worsen; he was hospitalized on Jan. 1st. We stayed in the hospital for two days. We went home on Jan. 3rd, set up his oxygen and prepared his NGT meal. That is going to be our routine from then on... but not too long. He expired 3 days after. In the afternoon of Jan. 6th, my sister, Lalai sent me a text message informing me that papang had removed his NGT. I was so worried because without his NGT, we will be having a hard time feeding him and most specially, administering his morphine, his pain medication. I tried giving instructions through text but I wasn't content so I got out of our bed and went to my parents' house. There we tried to give him his morphine in liquid form. It was a slow process but papang was patiently cooperating, swallowing every drop of morphine mixed in water. Instead of heading home and going back to sleep to prepare for my shift in the evening, I decided to wait for my sister who's arriving from Dubai. She arrived around 6:30pm. She talked to my father and although papang can no longer talk, I can see that he's excited. After their short talk, we decided to eat. Around 8pm, I decided to go home to prepare for my 9pm shift. My siblings stayed in the other room while my mother was talking to our father. I was able to hear part of their conversations when I entered the room and gave my mother the paracetamol she was asking. I heard my mother saying "paeng, kapoy ka na, pahuway na, ok lang kami". I saw my father nodding.

Around 10:10pm, while I was in the office, I got a call from my sister. She said papang is gone, just 2 hours after mamang talked to him. I hurriedly called my husband up and went home. Then I saw him... lifeless. My family is weeping. It was the saddest time of our lives. I was expecting it to happen because of his condition and the signs we're seeing, but I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. Then I remember my prayer. I prayed to God that He will not allow papang to suffer for a long time and that if he's ready to go, then He can take him away from us. God answered my prayers. He gave papang enough time to think, reflect and repent and accept Jesus as his savior. He did not suffer for long.

It's sad to lose someone we dearly love but the dead must not be pitied as what others tend to say. It's a reality and it's a blessing. We will surely miss them and that's what makes it sad, but death has no victory. It's not the end, it's a beginning. A beginning of a beautiful and perfect life.

Winter season

Seasons of Life. There are 4 seasons of life and some say winter is the best. Winter is the season when you want to go home and find the comfort of family, love and peace. Although winter is when the grim reaper often comes to visit, it is to be welcomed with open arms as it is a way to find eternal peace in heaven, the eternal destination. My father is in this season of his life. As of this writing, he is in the hospital. We bought him there on the first day of the year. He was having a hard time breathing and normally he would just reach for his nebulizer but this time, it's different. Every breath is a struggle. The doctor explained to us what has happened to his lungs since the diagnosis of his lung cancer in October, just 2 months ago. On the x-ray result, his right lung is no longer visible. It's covered with white substance and the doctor explained that that is the tumor which grew and covered the lungs with fluid. That's what's causing him to breathe hard.

The doctor gave us different paths to choose from. Option number 1 is to treat the infection by getting the fluid out of the lungs and give him an antibiotic worth three thousand pesos a day for 10 days. This option will temporarily give him relief maybe lengthen his days but will not cure the tumor, it will continue to grow and produce fluid.

Option number 2 is maintain status quo with NGT and oxygen. NGT will help put food and medications in his body and oxygen will aid him with his breathing. When the doctor gave us those options, we got confused. We're used to doctors telling us what procedures they'll perform but here's one who lets us decide which is a good thing in some ways. So I asked him what's the best thing to do. After all, he's facing patients like my father everyday. He suggested that we agree to NGT and oxygen, bring our father home and give him palliative care. He said we can perform Option #1 but the patient may no longer be able to bear the process as he is already too weak. He will eventually succumb to his illness. What he said makes sense to us so we agreed to do what he suggested. Finally, the NGT was succesfully performed yesterday. Later on, we will be buying the oxygen that he need so he can go home.

Winter season of life. The best season for many. I'm praying that my father will think the same way. I'm wishing that he will enjoy this season with us. I'm praying that he will have more hope and excitement as he goes home.